Scars Of A Rose
The fight is over forever. It is all numb now. There is no more pain. Life is setting me free. Let me fly...float in the clouds and forget my wounds. A better world is awaiting me on the other end. A world where I no longer bear a woman's body.
It was pain that woke me up. Excruciating pain that tore me apart. My eyes were heavy and hard to open. I could hear beep sounds and hushed voices. I opened my eyes and tears trickled down my cheeks. Those tears were not new to me. But now my tears were burning my cheeks. It took me sometime to realize that I was in a hospital surrounded by machines and monitors. There were people around me but none of them looked familiar. I tried to call a nurse but no sound came out. I shouted out but in vain only to watch the faces around me panicking. I could not speak...neither move my hands...All I could do was blink my eyes. I wanted to shout but the pain was searing ...piercing my consciousness. I knew I was sinking. The writhing body of mine was fighting for survival. But why?...Somewhere, on the edge of consciousness...there was a sound..."Quick...we are losing her..Resuscitate"
No, Please do not resuscitate me...I have a quench for death...Death, that makes me tranquil. Death, that takes me to serenity. Death, a gift that life can bless me with.
123 All clear...The first shock
Rose was my name. As the proverb 'Among the thorns grow Roses', I was born amidst the struggles. Starting with the battle to come out alive of an unmarried womb, I was a fighter...
At the age of ten, I welcomed a new member to my family. My stepdad. Father...the first love of any girl. I was screaming to the entire world, "I have a dad and he gets me everything I need." I had plenty...more than I asked for. My world was so beautifully crafted with his love until I was fourteen.
From bud to blossom, I was changing so was my father. My father was becoming someone who he should not be. In many moments of a father daughter relationship, my father's behavior alerted the woman in me. His touches were no longer fatherly and his actions demoralized the meaning of fatherhood. He was searching for the woman in me. Like a wolf eyeing its prey, he was on a constant watch. Those were the nights I would remain awake till my mother was up in the morning. But one night, the predator was in. "Love me", the wolf said and he was right on top of me. I was not strong but the woman in me had to be strong to keep the blooms alive. I pierced my teeth deep into his arms, those arms which had carried me once upon a time and the moment he backed away, I started to run. I didn't stop or turn back. I ran until I lost my consciousness.
123 All Clear ...The second shock
City of dreams... it has given me an identity, a job, a shelter, a hope to live on. I am 24 now. I have dreams...dreams any girl would have and this is where I want to build my dream of a family...a life...But the city has shattered many dreams.
Sometimes, I saw wolves on the street corners, in the public transport, here and there...everywhere. They smelled like my stepfather. Their grin made me insecure. Their eyes searched for my womanly curves. I was just a body for them...only a woman's body. When darkness covered the city, the wolves hunted for their prey. And one night....in the blanket of darkness...two wolves had their feast and I was raped.
I always loved the walkway from the bus station to my hostel. Lined with green bushes and marigolds peeping out from the greenery, I loved to walk alone in that street. The street lamps always showed me the way home and the wolves feared light. That day was nothing special, but when I got down at the bus station, darkness awaited me. My way home was dark and there were wolves grinning at me. I walked and I could feel the cunning eyes following me. There were two of them. I walked faster and my heart was beating even faster. Moments later I felt the wolf's breath on my shoulders...One of them grabbed my hair and I fell down. I screamed but the other covered my mouth and hit my head again and again on the walkway and then it was all silent.
123...All clear...The last shock
Dear doctor...This is my last battle and if I live, I lose. I don't want to celebrate the rest of my life as a rape victim giving verdicts and interviews. I always wanted a life where I would be a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a social being, a valuable asset, a butterfly, a rose, a woman who could smile open heartedly. But now, I no longer want to bear a woman's body. I am scarred...I have been scarred in my bud, in my blossom and who knows what awaits me. These scars...I am leaving them behind...This body of mine...I am leaving it behind. I am sorry my daughter...I am not bringing you into this world. There are wolves in here. Let you stay unborn and we will meet up there because we are roses to be kissed by butterflies and not chewed by wolves. So please, let me go...Thanks be to God. Amen...
It's all calm now...